Down, down, deeper and down
Just lately I’ve been feeling entirely un-motivated. I cannot work up any enthusiasm for the growing number of projects piling up on my desk both at work and at home – and, while I can spend hours on the web browsing forums and blogs, I have trouble keeping Homesite or Photoshop open for more than five minutes without being overcome with a feeling that I would rather be doing something else, anything else, than this.
Thing is, I know that if I just keep going that the old excitement you get from creating something that works, that fulfils its purpose, will come back to me (and its the same with music, I can’t be bothered to put anything on although I know as soon as I do I remember just how great music is) – its getting over that first hurdle that is the problem.
I re-read Andy Clarke’s post about his manic depression the other day, and can recognise a lot of what he was saying in myself. Now I’m not saying that I’m clinically depressed, but I think a lot of ‘creative’ types would agree that it is very easy to self-diagnose with borderline manic depression, OCD, Aspergers, and a variety of other personality traits that go with the territory of trying to create something that other people will appreciate, whether it be a website, picture, song, or whatever. It is very easy to obsess on the detail and lose sight of the bigger picture, start believing that it all must be a mistake, why are people paying me to do this when I am so obviously a fraud?
I think that once I have completed the two freelance jobs I’m currently working on, I will take some metaphorical time-off to re-focus. There are several personal projects I’d like to pursue, including a web-app that I think could work out well if properly executed, and I really need the time to spend on getting it right. I’m also already thinking about a redesign for this site, so the removal of all the additional stress (well, as much as possible, I’ve still got to work) is something I’m really looking forward to.
I’m going to buy a new bike with some of the money from the freelance jobs, so perhaps regular exercise can help banish the blues too. I hope so.
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Comments
- Michael Green
- 1234 days ago
- I’m sitting here feeling the same way right now. I have a couple of personal projects I would rather be doing, and some that I know I just have to do.
I am fortunate that I don’t have a job that relies on me to use much design creativity, because I would surely lose my mind. I prefer the logic of a database, to the subjectivity of design – which is why I try and keep it strictly a hobby.
As you well know, the only cure for a lack of motivation, is to just start what you need to do. I used to believe that you could reach an equilibrium once you just stepped over the next hurdle. Now I have just resigned myself to the fact that there are hurdles of different sizes in every direction, stretching to the horizon. So you have to enjoy what you are doing, while you are doing it, or you need to get out.
ps. I would argue that every web standards based developer has OCD.
pps. Exercise definitely helps! - #2
- Matthew Pennell
- 1234 days ago
- Thanks for your comments, guys – it’s good to know I’m not the only person feeling like this!
Michael: You’re right, punching through the motivation barrier can only be done by forcing yourself to just get the fuck on with it. I did just that last night, and once I’d started it all started to flow again and I woke up this morning in a much more positive frame of mind.
Derek: Hope to meet you at @media soon. :) - #3
- Kev
- 1233 days ago
- Since my daughter recieved her diagnosis and I’ve read so much about ASD, I’ve noticed a trend towards Aspergers in a lot of my fellow designers. I’ll not name names as thats not fair but takeit from me that its not necessarily a bad thing!
Speaking for myself, my last redesign was done right in the middle of an exhaustive period and it shows. I took some time away and I’ve increased my exercise, bettered my diet and lost nearly 2 stone. It definitely helps. - #4
- Matthew Pennell
- 1233 days ago
- Kev: Absolutely – and it’s probably when that tendency manifested itself in early life that sent all us geeks into darkened bedrooms to play with computers while all our well-adjusted friends were out being social. Well who’s laughing now, eh? Um… ;)
I don’t think losing a couple of stone would help in my case – I’d just be adding anorexia to my list of complaints, as I’m not exactly the porkiest of folks! - #5
- dotjay
- 1233 days ago
- I too am glad that I’m not the only one feeling like this. Recently, I’ve been getting the nose to the grindstone and trying to reach a state where I feel “on top of things”.
Exercise really does help. Being self-employed really can suck up all your spare time though. Unfortunately, my bike is in rather a dilapidated state at the moment, I don’t enjoy running in York (live in city centre – it’s not the same as being in Devon countryside within five minutes of leaving the house). So, have recently started swimming again, and a group of us try to meet up once a month to play rounders/football and generally get out and about.
Good luck, Matthew. I think we all go through phases – ups and downs. I think feeling good in yourself is of great importance – certainly more important than work. We all need time out sometimes, and sometimes we have to force ourselves to do it. - #6
- Kev
- 1233 days ago
- Quick follow up for those interested in whether they may fall somewhere on the autistic spectrum.
- #7
I think there comes a time when you get so much on your plate, it is very difficult to find any motivation, and it becomes so much easier to just “do something else”.
Hoping it all gets sorted… buying a new bike sounds like a good idea! I might just try that myself…